I went on a whirlwind trip to Japan last weekend. Without my children.
The timing made sense. It was the Chinese Dragon Boat Festival, so my husband had some days off of work and could be with our kids while I was away. I have a friend who has lived in Japan for four years, and it just so happened that Pentatonix was doing a concert in her city. I mean, seriously, who wouldn’t want to catch up with a friend and see Pentatonix live before Avi leaves the group?
But for my kids, it wasn’t that simple. My son has mentioned, without having ever seen the place, that he wants to live in Japan when he grows up. And my daughter enjoys Pentatonix as much as I do. The day before I left, I reminded them that I was leaving, and they both broke down in tears: one because I was exploring Japan without him, and the other because I was seeing Pentatonix without her.
I am not a heartless mom. I felt terrible. But in the end, I’m content with my decision to leave them behind for a few days.
Here’s why it’s important for parents to do some fun things, sometimes, without their children.
- It teaches children the benefits of delayed gratification. I’m confident that my son will someday see Japan with his own eyes. I assume that my daughter will begin to enjoy other bands and probably see some in concert. Now is not the right time for them to do those things. But while they wait for the right time, they can develop patience, and they will actually enjoy those gifts more because they’ve waited.
- It gives children a sense that there are benefits to being adults. A good friend visited me a couple months ago, and she mentioned that when she was a child, she wanted to grow up. There were aspects of being an adult that she was excited about. In contrast, it seems that nowadays there are plenty of children and young adults who would rather skip adulthood. Sure, there are parts of adulthood that aren’t easy, but to be honest, there are also parts of childhood that are difficult. Being an adult does come with different responsibilities, but also with different benefits. And because I’m working on raising adults, I want my kids to see my husband and me enjoying adulthood, both our work and our play, so that they can look forward to the privileges that come with growing up.
- It refreshes the parent. I spent the weekend with constant people and sightseeing, which tends to be tiring for me. But surprisingly, by the end of the trip, I was full of energy and ready to get back to my work at home, probably due to extra sleep, meaningful conversations, and a change of environment. My heart was overjoyed when I returned home and could give my husband and each of my kids big hugs, and I had determination the next morning to do some hardcore house cleaning.
- It reminds children how much they appreciate their parent’s presence. My children did not suffer in any way while I was gone; actually, they thrived on extra special time with their daddy, and they discovered that he cooks really tasty spaghetti with fresh veggies. However, when I arrived home, those kids couldn’t wait to shout “welcome home”, nearly knocked me over in the doorway, and began to run around showing me all of their new tricks. My short absence gave them a renewed enthusiasm to spend time with me.
And so, I hope that you do (some) fun things (sometimes) without your kids…
In addition to doing (lots) of fun things (often) with your kids.